Introductory Letter
To : Miss Lim
From : Kok Zhi Ling
Subject : Formal Self-introduction
From : Kok Zhi Ling
Subject : Formal Self-introduction
Dear Ms Lim,
My name is Kok Zhi Ling. I am currently pursuing further studies
in Bachelor of Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services) in
SIT. Previously graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in
Electrical and Computer Engineering, specializing in Digital Media
Communications.
Upon graduation, to further broaden my knowledge and social
networking, I have decided to pursue on with career path instead of proceeding
to University. I worked in Temasek Club as Facility Officer. Mainly managing
the Club's facility and liaising with technicians as well as the building
management system. Therefore, building my interest in building services field.
Throughout the year, I realised the importance of
communicating in proper language and tone. One part of my job scope is to coordinate
with vendors and company superior, which then I realised that my delicateness
in communicating was not strong. Thence lowering my confidence to speak up. This
led me to the point where I could not express what I wanted to say initially
and will have to make use of body language to explain better.
My strength in communication is the capability of
listening. To be able to listen enables me to work well and deliver the correct
message to my colleagues. Regardless verbal or non-verbal, I am able to express through
body language and detail of what I want to execute next.
Through this module, I hope I could boost my confidence and
able to speak well in front of a group of people or superiors, as well as to
speak fluently with lesser stammering. Improving the speaking would definitely improve
proficiency of English writing.
Best regards,
Kok Zhi Ling
SIE2016, SEM03
Hi Zhi Ling ,
ReplyDeleteGreat to learn that you're previously related to Electrical and Computer Engineering and had work under the Temasek Club after graduation with good working experience related to building facility and management as an FO managing the club as well as the building systems. Along your working journey , you've gained interest in buildings hence decided to pursue this degree and through this program, u are able to broaden your knowledge and in the university life circle , u can widen your social networking. Other than that, your content are well written, just that one or two paragraph's sentence structuring would be neater. Overall good content !
On side note, your 2nd paragraph , probably would want to rephrase it to : Upon graduation you took up a job at Temasek Club
Your letter to Miss Lim , probably can mention the full name( Miss Lim Lay Hoon).
Bolding of Subject and underline the statement.
Hope after this effective communicator , it can boost you further than before and increase your confidence ! Good luck . Atb
Hello Zhi Ling, if I'm not wrong, we were tasked to do a formal letter writing and not an email.
ReplyDeleteI took a two years gap as well after my diploma studies at Temasek. Glad that after the two years, you have decided the industry you want to be in.
Things to take note:
Firstly, the sentence "I am currently pursuing further studies in Bachelor of Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services) in SIT." would sound better and more accurate if it is written as "Currently , I am pursuing further studies in Bachelor of Engineering, in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services) at Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). SIT is an abbreviation. Therefore, when you want to use short-forms in your letter, you have to "introduce it first. Pretend that the receiver does not know anything.
Secondly, the sentence "Previously graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electrical and Computer Engineering, specializing in Digital Media Communications." you need to have a subject, "I". Thus the sentence should be "I previously graduated from...".
Good link from your background introduction to your weakness. However, you may want to be more specific and clear by rephrasing parts and splitting it into two different paragraphs. As for the paragraph where you wrote about your strength, it would be good if you could give examples and elaborate more.
This is the first step to being a more confident individual. Boost your confidence by telling others your strengths ok? Do not let your confidence go down because of one a set back ok? Just speak up and let others understand you better.
The last thing to take note would be, try to sign off with "Yours sincerely "or "Yours faithfully" if it is a formal email. In this case, "Yours sincerely" as you know who you are writing to. "Best regards", "Best wishes", "Thanks" are usually used for informal email.
I have enjoyed reading your blog post and getting to know you better! Let us work towards being a more confident and effective communicator!
Cheers to being a confident speaker and better writer after this module!
Eunice
Hi Zhi Ling,
ReplyDeleteI could put myself in your shoe after reading your blog post as I had also faced similar issues when I was still in the workforce. Nevertheless, I believe we will eventually learn and grow together as better speakers at the end of this module.
On the other hand, you may want to add on more on your weakness in communication, to be slightly more specific.
Cheers,
Jason
Hi ZhiLing,
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you choose to further your studies in SIT after entering the workforce is respectable. I can imagine the amount of stress and determaine it required to make that decision.
In general, i think that your views on weakness are well-supported. Perhaps, it is due to the fact that you faced those situations before.However, I think that you are being too humble on your own strength. It would be slightly better if you shorten the introduction and use it to elaborate on your strength.
Overall, I understand your views as I have encountered such situations during my internship period! Despite that, I believe that we can definitely be a better speaker if we continue working on our weakness through this module!
Cheers, Shermaine:)
Dear Zhi Ling,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your first blog post! I really appreciate the way you zoomed in on a very specific experience that illustrates just how effective communication is important for you. Your stint in the workforce would have illuminated your strengths, and also areas of improvement for you, and I look forward to working with you this trimester to hone your communication skills.
I do have a few questions about correctness and clarity. Please see my comments below:
Fragments >>> I observed a number of sentence fragments in your writing. Once you understand what it is, it is easy to correct. You may want to refer to the following links for more details:
http://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/fragments-and-run-ons/
https://spcollege.libguides.com/c.php?g=254288&p=1695260
• “Previously graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electrical and Computer Engineering, specializing in Digital Media Communications.”
• “Mainly managing the Club's facility and liaising with technicians as well as the building management system.”
• “Therefore, building my interest in building services field.”
• “Thence lowering my confidence to speak up.”
Word Choice >>> Use a variety of words in your writing to elicit interest. Also, ensure appropriateness of choice of words used.
• “…currently pursuing furthering my studies…”; “…decided to pursue on with career path…”
• “…my delicateness in communicating…” >>> inadequacies?
• “… to make use of body language to explain better.” >>> depending on context your readers could understand this quite differently
You may want to consider pairing up with one of your blogging buddies to proof-read each other’s blog posts before uploading. That would be a good way to iron out language problems before your sharing.
I look forward to reading more of your posts, Zhi Ling.
Cheers,
Ms. Lim
PS: You were tasked to write in the formal letter format
PPS: Do not place your signature in the bottom center of the page